The White Hat Melbourne Newsletter

Archived Newsletter No.43 - 28 March 2003

Contents

Free lunchtime concerts
Major festivals
Community festivals
Melbourne's hidden gems
Footy
Reader feedback

Free lunchtime concerts

If you live or work near a university and are interested in classical music, it is worth investigating their free lunchtime concerts. You will find such concerts at Melbourne & Monash Unis as well as the College of the Arts and the old South Melbourne Town Hall. Don't dismiss these concerts as second-best. Performances are often by established international artists. Some of the finest concerts I have attended over the years were part of such lunchtime series. Details at Free Concerts in Melbourne.

Major festivals

There are three major festivals about to start in Melbourne. The Melbourne Food & Wine Festival has a host of events and offers. I must admit that Melbourne is one big continuous food festival for me, so often don't notice the official festival.

The Melbourne International Flower & Garden Show. The pressure is on - can you tell the difference between a begonia and a dahlia?

The Melbourne International Comedy Festival. You can usually tell the nature of a comedy festival gig by standing outside and listening to the laughter. If it resembles the sniggering behind the shelter sheds then they are probably using a lot of rude words and talking about naughty things. The chuckle accompanied by a wry smile usually indicates the audience is being made to think, and maybe change its mind. If you hear forced laughter interspersed with applause it usually means people are laughing at those who think differently from them. Do not attempt to go in there without the compulsory uniform and badges or you will be pillories for being conformist and non-inclusive. Lots of involuntary belly laughs usually indicates a truly talented comedian. And let me assure you, those shows promoting particular social or political causes are generally no laughing matter. Around half of the shows are truly funny. If I knew which half I would tell you. Then again, no I wouldn't because what is truly funny for me will rarely be the same for somebody else. Humour is one of things that helps define who we are, so this festival forms part of our culture (as distinct from Kulcha). In the words of G.K. Chesterton, "serious is not the opposite of funny and funny is not the opposite of serious".

Community Festivals

Community festivals are ones that haven't yet discovered that having an aunty visiting from overseas allows you to call it an International Festival. In and around Melbourne there are festivals at Pascoe Vale, Malvern (roses), Templestowe (apples), Sandringham (beachside culture) and Surrey Hills (niceness). For those interested in heirloom vegetables and tomatoes that taste like tomatoes there is the Harvest at Heronswood (Dromana). In the country there are festivals at Ballan, Ballarat (food & wine), Appolo Bay (music), Red Cliffs, Drysdale (bunyips) and Pakenham. There is also the start of the Castlemaine State Festival and the Castlemaine Fringe Festival (aah ... breathe in the fresh country air, the scent of the gums, the funny smelling tobacco ...) Details for all of these at Festivals in Melbourne.

Melbourne's Hidden Gems

In our next newsletter we will start a new segment featuring hidden gems of Melbourne. The idea is to point out places that are little known - even to many locals - that we think are 'gems'. Stay tuned.

Footy & the weekend

If you live on another planet (such as Sydney) you may not have noticed that footy starts this weekend. For those of you who hate the game or the hype surrounding it I offer a few simple observations. Footy is one of the great inventions of Melbourne. Many who would like to see it replaced with "the world game" will in the next breath berate globalisation and the disappearance and downgrading of local customs. The weekly tribal rituals of footy have long become an important part of Melbourne's cultural (as distinct from Kulchural) tapestry with threads heading in all directions. It is an important symbol of egalitarianism. You can hold a conversation in the boardroom or the boiler room about footy. I have had conversations in a footy crowd with Manning Clark, Hells Angels, composers, fashion models, bigots, ratbags, priests and everyone in between.

My looming weekend seems to me one that is typically Melbourne. Friday night I have some appointments in the city. By the end of the night I will probably have had conversations with unionists at the Trades Hall, barflies at several hotels, pollies at the Imperial, derros and junkies up the back lanes, banter with members outside the Melbourne Club and probably finish it off with a meal at the Waiters Club. Saturday morning will be shopping at the Vic Market ("come on girls - take these last steaks so I can get to the footy"), prepare some tucker to take to the game and off to the G "Listen mate, I'll swap you some of my chilli squid for some of your stuffed vine leaves" (or quiche if Hawthorn are playing). Then off to an art exhibition followed by a Persian feast. Sunday morning is a surprise birthday party for a friend (Sunday morning - I ask you?). Most there will be Jewish and the wit will flow thick and fast (and unlike many at the comedy festival, they will be prepared to laugh at themselves). Should Mynott have played that Grand Final during Yom Kippur? When I have had my fill ("enough already") of repartee and food ("tell me, is there any other part of the matzoh that is eaten?") it will be time to head off to show some people around the cemetery. Maybe stop off for a quick coffee in Chapel Street where I will probably be in earshot of the woman in little black glasses convincing her friends how witty she is by reciting part of one of the Seinfeld episodes she has memorized. On to the cemetery - I hope everyone is where I left them ("why is that tombstone black & white and what is the significance of the magpie?"). The allows time for the significant other to head off to the hairdresser and engage in the sort of philosophical interchanges that are beyond the ken of a mere male. Then we will probably seek out a suburban festival and have some tea - she is a sucker for any swarthy gentleman brandishing chillies. Off to some friends to sing madrigals, drink wine (it ought to be mead) and discuss politics (16th Century). Bother - it's the end of the weekend and we have to return those videos to Fed Square - we haven't got around to watching them - again.

Footy has formed an important part of this weekend and helps reinforce the fact that I am in Melbourne and not some anonymous globalised city. About the only common thing that will be discussed during these events will be footy. And equally predictable is that somebody who has spent most of the weekend at home reading will be opining "What a dreadful thing football is and why won't people open their eyes to the important things of life. I have been reading this marvellous book about Feng Shui and how it helps us understand who we are ..."

I will just chuckle and smile wryly.

Reader feedback

"I love your site and newsletter. Makes me proud to be Melbournian, and gives me many exciting things to do and think about..."

Thanks Dennis