The White Hat Melbourne Newsletter

Archived Newsletter No.120 - 18 March 2005

Contents

Festivals
Family activities
Melbourne loses another Hidden Gem
Theatre & Film
Major events
The synchrotron explained
Music
Country Victoria

Festivals

This weekend there are community festivals at the Docklands, Richmond, Noble Park, Pascoe Vale and Surrey Hills and there is a harvest festival at CERES Park. Details at Community Festivals in Melbourne. There are Dragon Boat races on the Yarra, the start of the Antipodes Festival (Greek), a multicultural festival at Mossvale and the Sumnation Festival at Sandown Park. Details at Ethnic & Religious Festivals in Melbourne.

Family activities

There are children’s festivals in Heidelberg, Banyule and Casey. There is a Sail Boat Show at Sandringham Yacht Club (cheap admission) with the possibility of sailing experiences for the kids. Then there is the synchrotron open day (more details below). Details of all these at Family and Children's Activities in Melbourne.

Melbourne loses another Hidden Gem

Several years ago we told you about the Celtic Club in our Hidden Gems section. With the invasion of ‘Plastic Paddies’ – fake Irish pubs that are created in a few weeks from a warehouse or shoe store etc., the Celtic Club remained practically the only Irish pub of pedigree in the city. However within the last few weeks it has been faked up in order to have a chance of competing with the Plastic Paddies come St Patrick’s Day and beyond. Why the change? Well, there is now a generation who have been sucked in by the advertising and “know what a real Irish pub looks like” and the Celtic Club didn’t match that at all. As Schopenhauer said “If you tell people something long enough and loudly enough they will eventually believe what you are telling them is true”. (Well, he didn’t say that exactly but those of you interested in philosophy will know what he said and those who aren’t won’t care anyway.) It is not possible to survive if you don’t have paying customers coming through the door so they did what had to be done. As one of the members told me “At least the PPPs pay. The history and heritage crowd are not usually prepared to spend money but only insist that somebody else should pay to protect ‘their’ heritage”.

The elaborately carved woodwork (Tasmanian blackwood I think and presumably dating from its days as the ‘Royal Oak’) has been removed and the dark stained panelling and drink shelves have been painted over with streaky brown and grey paint in a clumsy faux antiquing style. The wonderfully elaborate charter of the Celtic Club (“no discussion of politics or religion within the club”) has been removed along with the photographs of Ma Kelly’s cottage and the hurley teams. The photographs of Shaw, Yeats, Beckett and other Irish writers have been removed (Plastic Paddy Patrons didn’t know who they were) and replaced with a few books badly painted onto the wall so that people can understand that this is a cultural place.

I expect the makeover to be highly successful and in particular allow the Celtic Club to rate its first mention as a ‘must visit authentic Irish pub’ in the high profile backpacker and tourist guide books.

The moral – when you read about a hidden gem in this newsletter it pays to visit before it disappears.

Theatre & Film

An outdoor production of The Tempest is being staged at the Fairfield Amphitheatre. Details at Theatre in Melbourne. There is a French Film Festival and a short film festival entitled In The Realm of the Senses. Details at Film Festivals in Melbourne.

Major events

The Food & Wine Festival continues with a chocolate & coffee day at Fed Square and a hawker’s market at the Vic Market. Details at Food & Wine in Melbourne & Victoria The Comedy Festival commences next week. Details everywhere.

The Synchrotron Explained

A White Hat Educational Supplement

This weekend is the one and only opportunity for the public to inspect the new (unfinished) synchrotron. You can do your bit to address the skills shortage by taking the children along and introducing them to the principles of the particle accelerator in simple everyday terms. [For those of you who paid attention in science classes we have included the technical description in square brackets {together with Eigenvalues in curly brackets} and useless asides (Did you hear about little Polly Nomial who went out without her brackets on?) in embedded curved brackets.]

Now children understand things better if they are put in simple physical terms, so you can start by explaining to young Oscar that for the rest of the day he is Eric the Electron. Take him down to the starting gate. It is a standard track layout with a starting straight leading into the circuit proper. (Unfortunately the designers have decided that the electrons should run in Sydney style -clockwise). Once at the starting gate we need to get Eric the Electron up to speed. The use of a cattle prod or a hot iron applied to the nether regions usually does the trick. Dad needs to chase Eric down the straight with a whip to ensure that he travels faster and faster. [A heated filament electron gun directs electrons into a high vacuum environment. A microwave linear accelerator accelerates the electrons to near the speed of light]

Having arrived at the circuit travelling at high speed Eric needs to be forced into a circular path. This is achieved by hanging stuff that repels him on either side of the course, Objects like green vegetables or homework usually work well in these circumstances and Eric will move to the centre of the track so as not to get to close to the objectionable objects. Meanwhile dad is still behind with the whip urging him on. [Electrons are further accelerated and focused by magnets around the inner circuit into a highly concentrated beam]

Rounding the bend at tremendous speed Eric notices that the barriers have been shifted and he is being forced out to a larger track that runs outside the smaller inner one. [Electrons are magnetically deflected from the inner ring to the outer ‘storage ring’]

At this stage Eric is highly excited and it is time to extract some energy from him with various forms of annoyance. Scientific trials have shown that the most concentrated and persistent forms of annoyance are generated by younger sisters, so it is time to set up a chicane of said siblings. As Eric weaves around them they shout things like “I know your girlfriend” or “What are those magazines under your bed?” and each time Eric lets out a short sharp yell. These yells reinforce each other and the energy is collected through a hole in the wall at that point. Rounding the next corner he sees mum with arms folded saying “clean up your room!”. He lets out a continuous scream as he swerves to avoid her. All that time dad continues behind with the whip to make sure he picks up speed after these annoyances. He is just making some headway when it starts all over again – “I know your girlfriend” – “clean up your room”. [The electrons are deflected in their paths by magnet arrays called wigglers and undulators. The energy released by this deflection is given off in the form of X-rays known as synchrotron light. This synchrotron light is guided though holes in the outer circuit into a number of experiment chambers where it is used in varieties of experiments. Radio frequency cavities are used to accelerate the electrons again and replace their lost energy. The electrons continue to be perturbed and accelerated providing a continuos flow of synchrotron light This ‘light’ can be used in the experiment chambers for very high resolution images down to atom level to help in the understating of specimens for medical and other purposes.]

Once you feel that Eric the Electron has done enough to have a lasting impression of the workings of a synchrotron then you can let him stop and he can become plain old Oscar again. Having grasped the principles of the synchrotron, Oscar is in a good position to understand the workings of other particle accelerators. For instance, when Eric the Electron is given a bicycle it is known as a cyclotron. Inspired by his day at the synchrotron, Oscar is now motivated to pursue a rewarding career in science. [Australia pays well above the OECD standard for dumb jobs but well below the OECD standard for smart jobs. Oscar had better start looking for a job overseas.]

Details of the Australian Synchrotron open day at Events in Melbourne.

Music

This week is the start of the Frankston Guitar and Music Festival. There are twilight sounds at Sills Bend in Heidelberg and Klezmer music in North Melbourne. (While in North Melbourne I suspect I will be dining in the wonderful sleepy strip of Errol Street with its wide verandas on Tuesday night because Margaret Moore and Dale Evans [the accordionist form The Band Who Knew Too Much] will be busking around the restaurants there). Then there is the Irish Festival in Treasury Gardens where I am sure some of the bands will be playing “authentic Celtic music with its origins in the mists of time" (around the 1970s I think this sort of Celtic music was invented). As my old mate Paddy who was a regular at the Celtic Club before it was made over used to say “There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be convinced it is generally adopted” (or maybe it was an obscure German philosopher – I can’t remember). Details of all these at Music in Melbourne.

Country Victoria

There are lots of events around Victoria this weekend. The people at Seaford get very excited about seaweed and so have a festival to celebrate it. The people at Colac have been told that ‘Kana’ means ‘let’s get together and have fun’ so they have a Kana Festival. There’s a music festival at Mossvale and the CRAIC Irish music and comedy festival at Mt Buller. Details of these and more at Victoria. In fact there’s so much happening around the state I thought you might find it easier to remember in the form of a song (to be sung to the tune of A Modern Major General)

There’s festivals at Mornington and Warrandyte and Whittlesea,
There’s flower shows at Eaglehawk and arty stuff at Werribee,
There’s Y-Fest up in Warrack and there’s ‘Tarerer’ at Warrnambool,
So read this section carefully unless you want to look a fool.
White Hatters all impress their friends and give them thoughts to chew upon
With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchrotron.

CHORUS

With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchrotron.
With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchrotron.
With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchrotron.

There’s Autumn Fest at Yea with foods to set your juices slavering,
Then down to Sleepy Hollow for the yearly Highland Gavering,
There’s surfing down the Ocean Road and parties up in Carisbrook
And fairs and fetes at Diamond Creek and Rutherglen and Quambatook.
(Actually there’s nothing happening at Quambatook but it’s the only thing that rhymes with Carisbrook)

White Hatters all impress their friends and give them thoughts to chew upon With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchrotron.

CHORUS

With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchrotron.
With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchrotron.
With many cheerful facts about the wondrous Melbourne synchroflamingtron.