“BAM! POW! It certainly is tough in here Batman."
"Yes Robin, Melbourne trams are pretty mean places, but a tram conductor would soon reverse all of this anti-social behaviour and things would be just like they were in the good old days."
"Holy strap hanging armpits Batman – There are so many of you on this tram I don’t know which is the real Batman.”
“I’m over here Robin. Keep an eye out for my arch rival – he may be disguised as me.”
“You mean The Joker, Batman?”
“No, boy wonder, Batman’s arch rival is Fawkner – but that’s another story for another time. But we are in real danger this time. We need to get out of here fast before we are deconstructed!”
This weekend is the superheroes conference at Melbourne University. Now that they have closed their private arm, they can concentrate on the core issues of a classical education. Details at Festivals in Melbourne.If you can’t make it to the conference, you could always print out a post modernist essay from here and hold your own conference. It generates a different meaningless post modernist essay each time, but no-one will notice. Leave one lying around on your desk at work and people will think you’re “deep”.
This weekend there is a celebration of electronic music and arts called “Electundra” in Meyers Place (opposite the Waiters Club). Details at Popular Music in Melbourne.
If you want to pick up some tips on the marriage business, a new production of Marriage of Figaro opens in South Yarra this week. Details at Classical Music in Melbourne. If you haven’t found Mr Right or Miss Right yet, then there is an Italian singles Ball this week. Details at Dance in Melbourne. And if you are looking for bridal gowns and photograph ideas, try browsing the shops in Sydney Road Brunswick. Some of the photos remind of the line by P.G.Wodehouse “She looked as though she had been poured into her gown – and forgot to say when”.
(To be said with a New Zealand accent) Hot flash, hot flash - Menopause finishes this weekend. However Dirty Dancing – the musical, opens at the Princess next week. Circus Oz also starts next week. Details at Theatre in Melbourne.
Graffiti which makes you smile in Melbourne is getting harder to find. Graffiti that makes you think (rather than preaches to the converted) is even rarer. Some examples from the past which some of you may know include: “Free Zarb!” – Zarb was I think a jailed conscientious objector to the Vietnam War. Underneath someone had added “Where do I queue?”. The sermon announcement board outside a Hawthorn church read “What would you do if Jesus Christ came to Hawthorn today?” Underneath it someone had scrawled “Shift Peter Hudson to centre-half-forward”. A television news program with Brian Naylor was promoted with the tagline and jingle “Brian told me. I know everything I need to know because Brian told me so” Underneath a billboard trumpeting “Brian told me” someone painted “Who told Brian?”.
Here at White Hat we are considering starting an underground art movement. With a group of artists we would sneak out into the night, up dark alleys and paint over the top of the ‘tagging’ with aesthetic beautifully crafted paintings containing messages based on an informed examination of the issues involved and expressed in a thought-provoking and pithy manner. We know that this would be dangerous and certainly not attract any funding from council arts budgets but it would certainly confuse the hell out of many 'graffiti artists' out there.
“Great site. One of it's kind. Very comprehensive.
“We had a counter lunch at that pub in Collingwood and you were right. It was great value. We will probably become regulars since we only live a short walk away. We would never have guessed to look there for Spanish seafood. Keep up the great work.
“Please subscribe me. Someone had printed out your newsletter and placed it on the staff notice board. We all had a great laugh about the winter sales. I didn’t show it to my other half but, since we are doing the sales this weekend.
This week you can attend an Atheist Society lecture on The Koran as a Theology and Value System or a historical society lecture on Governor Bourke and the early days of Melbourne. Details at Forums in Melbourne.
This long weekend there is a winter wine festival at Mornington, the excellent steam and horse festival at Echuca, Rhapsody in June at Port Fairy, the Casterton Kelpie Festival, National Celtic Festival at Portarlington and a winter wine and food festival in the King Valley. The following weekend is a winter film festival in Warburton.
If all the excitement of the Feng Shui Spectacular has left you overwrought then this weekend you should head off to Jeff’s Shed and the Mind, Body Spirit Festival, have your chakra realigned, purchase a ‘music of the spheres’ ringtone and get in touch with your inner self (hello, Is there anyone in there?) The following weekend is the food and wine show where you can learn wonderful things to do with the leftovers of the yummy tofu burger you purchased the previous weekend. Details at Jeff's Shed.
Please note: This section of the newsletter has been removed as it forms part of a forthcoming publication.
Now for this week’s questions. Remember there are no prizes – just glory.
Knowing Melbourne is not just about knowing where – it is about knowing when.
- In nineteenth century Melbourne, when was the best time to ‘do the block’?
- In the first half of the 20th century, where would you go if you desperately needed an alcoholic drink first thing in the morning? How do you know this?
- November 11 is known to many as Armistice Day. However it is also the anniversary of two major events in Melbourne history What are they?
- What is the best time to go ‘the warmies’ and why?