The White Hat Melbourne Newsletter

Archived Newsletter No.144 - 30 September 2005

Contents

Fairs & fetes
Family activities
Fashion
Poetry & seminars
Film
Music
Is it art?
Reader feedback
Theatre
A trip in the country
Country Victoria
The White Hat Quiz

Fairs & fetes

If you are thirty-something and still living at home, this weekend offers a great opportunity. There is a fete and open day at the Knox Retirement Village. Take the parents along to gently introduce them to the concept and, who knows, before long you could have the house to yourself. This weekend is also the Boroondara Art Market. You know it’s art if the eyes follow you around the room. Details at Fairs & Fetes in Melbourne.

Family activities

The hands-on exhibition for kids ‘The Magic Tent’ finishes this weekend at the Arts Centre. This Sunday there is a tree planting day at Royal Park followed by a free BBQ for those who have participated. It’s a good chance to introduce your kids to the work-for-the-dole concept. Remember that public transport is almost free on a Sunday with a Sunday Saver ticket. The following weekend there is a special dog walking day at Royal Park. If you haven’t got a dog, borrow the neighbour’s Doberman. As long as you have it back before dark they won’t notice. Details of both of these at Royal Park.

Fashion

The Spring Carnival is upon us and the fashionable are heading off to the races. The young ladies who have recently discarded their clumpy heels plus the young gentlemen with their carefully disarranged ties and designer 5 O’clock shadows. (Apparently it’s only fashionable to wear your heels to the races. You should then carry them home following a zig-zag pattern.) I feel somewhat unqualified to give advice about fashion – described in my dictionary as “the current popular custom”. For instance I felt pretty smug about being able to do a good 5 o’clock shadow until I was informed that it’s only fashionable if it takes five days to create. Still, here are some suggestions for our less fashion-challenged readers.

This weekend at Vodafone Arena there are a whole range of fashion events including catwalk (sorry, runway) parades and a whole range of fashion events under the name of Gorgeous. Details at Fashion Events in Melbourne.

Last week one of our readers asked for advice on bringing her daughter to Melbourne for shopping. Lee replied:

“Dear White Hat Your Bendigo girls should hop on a no. 6 tram in Swanton Street and head out to High Street Armadale. There are some fantastic new shops there including the new Hues Gallery (homewares, toiletries & jewellery) the very first Robinsons store (gorgeous girls fashions) Durance of Provence (superb French toiletries, t-shirts, unique clothes) and last but not least, "Clothes Off Your Back” at 1041 High Street, Armadale which sells only the very best recycled designer clothing & accessories (also has new samples) - THE place to go for Spring Racing Carnival fashions and hats. We also love Prosperity which has a gorgeous selection of jewellery.
Lee”

Poetry  & seminars

This weekend there is an annual poetry reading event in the city. Although I am a widely read and published poet, my publishers (Hallmark Christmas Cards) have refused me permission to take part in such events. Details at Literary Festivals in Melbourne.

And for those of you who want to know more about the life and culture of Uzbekistan between the 7th century BC and the 1st century AD (and don’t we all) there is a free seminar at Melbourne Uni. (A special mention next week for the first reader who can tell us the currently politically correct replacements for the terms BC and AD) Details at Forums & Seminars in Melbourne.

Film

On the first Monday of every month there is a reading of new film scripts at ACMI. This is a good chance for budding film writers to hear the first steps of their scripts coming to life. The following week is an event called ContactO5 which brings together the film making world and the music world. Details at Film Festivals in Melbourne. This week, film maker Ruth Cullen presents two films about the recently departed Bohemian Melbourne Artist, Vali Myers. Details at Vali Myers.

Music

There are two interesting concerts of 20th century music this weekend. Arvo Pärt’s Songs of Repentance is being performed tonight (Friday) at St Pat’s Cathedral. Because of this could we ask city residents who have their wok burner positioned directly underneath their smoke alarms to eat out tonight. Pärt’s Music contains large sections of quietness and silence and St Pat’s is directly opposite Melbourne’s major fire station. On Sunday afternoon at the Town Hall is a performance of Bartok’s Miraculous Mandarin and Rachmaninov’s The Bells. Details at Classical Music in Melbourne.

For blues fans there is the Blues Train at Queenscliff and for country music fans there is a festival in Mildura. Details at Music in Melbourne.

Is it art?

We recently received a press release regarding a current performance. It was written in the indecipherable post-modernist jargon currently fashionable for accompanying such events. I asked my browser to “translate into English” but it could not manage to do so. I think that the committee, having found that a press release was due tomorrow had indulged in some medicinal herbs, gazed into the lava lamp and ‘workshopped’ the publicity. As far as I can guess it translated as “We‘re not sure what we’re going to do yet, but when we decide it will be really awesome!” It finished with the statement “ . . this performance will change your perceptions of what is art.”

I have long since learned to extract myself from such arguments. If it is funded by an arts grant then it must be art - and this one is.

After that, The Melbourne Festival which begins next week doesn’t ask such questions. We are just left with the simpler question “Is it good art or is it bad art?”. As always, there is plenty of quality free entertainment as well as mainstream events. Details at Festivals in Melbourne.

Reader feedback

“Great newsletter this one. Re the advice for the daughter re shopping. Hey what would adults know my daughter went to the show 2 days in a row with different groups of friends both times did not see the animals, wood chop.......went on the rides (was vomited on) got one show bag and the rest of the time they sat in the corner and talked ..........
Jan”

Theatre

There is quite a range of smaller theatre productions this week. including those from the Fringe Festival. Also a visiting theatre company is offering your organisation a free production of their show based around the stranding of the Vienna Boys Choir in Australia during WWII. Details at Theatre in Melbourne.

A trip in the country

With the new Sunday Saver fares where you can take public transport anywhere in Melbourne all day for $2.50 there is no excuse for not getting out on a Sunday. Here is a suggestion for a trip in the country along the Stony Point line.

Preparation: Check the weather report. You may need to buy your tickets in advance from a shop or ‘premium station’. Check the current regulations and information if you are planning on taking things like bikes, Segways, prams, unusual pets, incontinent uncles, or medicinal herbs not yet approved by customs. Download an appropriate timetable from the internet – for instance from Meltrip. Pack your food for the day (maybe next week I will give some suggestions of what I like to have in a hamper for a day trip) plus a couple of good books (it’s a long journey) or some music, or download a favourite radio program to your MP3 player (I use my palmtop for this). A telescope or pair of binoculars would also be recommended.

On the Sunday make your way to Flinders Street Station (or whichever access point is appropriate for you) and maybe aim for the 7.57 city - Stony Point service.

Frankston and all change. Head across the platform to the Stony Point train – a remnant from the historical period known as the 'Black & White Era’. We recommend the back carriage because that way you can also look out the back window at civilization (i.e. Frankston) receding into the distance. Heading through the gradually diminishing housing there is something for most to enjoy. Dad can look at the decaying MG in the back yard that may one day be restored but which he would never have been game to buy, grandpa can reflect on how this train trip is only a fraction of what he had to do to get to school and grandma can pass judgment on the sort of people who would not maintain their backyards in a presentable state, Uncle Charles can tell the kids fascinating stories about his knowledge of llamas while pointing to the alpacas. In fact you will see a wide range of animals ranging through goats, sheep, cattle, kangaroos and the fierce man-eating llamas of the Serengeti (will someone check what’s in Uncle Charlie’s thermos) and mum can continue reading her book about being swept away by the debonair man in the white hat into the cultural heartland of Tuscany. You will also see a wide range of crops, and if you stand on the seat and use the binoculars you might also see vast fields of celery.

It might also be useful to explain to the kids that they are entering another world – a world without McDonalds. Now, I’m not suggesting that life in this part of the Mornington Peninsula is any slower than Melbourne, but I might leave it to one of readers to explain.

“Dear Whitehat,
 . . . you might be interested to know that I live in Pearcedale - which is a township in close proximity to Clyde - the celery growing capital - our main claim to fame in Pearcedale is our geographical proximity to Clyde. We are a healthy township, because of our consumption of celery - not a single arthritic case in our town - guess what we put this down to???? You guessed it - celery. Our main daytime pastime is watching the semi-trailers laden with celery pass through our town - on occasions it has been noted that our residents line the main street in deck chairs, with thermos's filled with coffee and watch the these trucks pass through.
Regards Darien”

I think you’ve got the idea. Maybe alight at Bittern. There is a market in the railway carpark there every Sunday. Time for a leisurely breakfast – I can recommend the kransky, and at this time of the year grannysmiths are at their best. Then some shopping at the market and having consulted the timetable (about 2 hours between trains) there is time to explore Bittern. I should explain that Bittern is not as cosmopolitan as Pearcedale so two hours will possibly suffice.

Back on the train to Stony Point. As the train rocks from side to side and you contemplate whether steel can outlast ti-tree it is time to contemplate lunch. You did buy some fresh fruit and veg at the Bittern market didn’t you?

Once off the train you realize that you don’t want to cart all those bargains from Bittern around all day (a 1989 Commodore sun visor will be a collector’s item one day) so maybe a coffee at one of the local stores in exchange for their minding your treasures. Time for a BBQ overlooking the waters of Western Port Bay while admiring the tourist attractions after which Stony Point was named. You may not be fortunate enough to have an Uncle Charlie to explain to the teenagers that these are “not just ordinary stones” and choose to take the ferry to French Island (not cheap) or explore the HMAS Cerberus Base (you need at least photo ID for a security clearance) and the associated museum.

The teenagers will be fascinated and by this stage, and some parents may be preparing to lobby the government that Telstra should not be sold unless the government will guarantee that large areas of the country should have no mobile phone coverage.

Back to the station to wait for Victoria’s equivalent of Thomas the Tank Engine. In the twilight, the grandparents are happily snoring, dad is contemplating that MG, mum is contemplating which part of the Tuscan kitchen could be knocked out to accommodate the dishwasher and Uncle Charlie’s thermos is nearly empty.

Not bad for $2.50 per head for the trip.

Country Victoria

If you decide not to go to Stony Point this weekend here are some other options in country and regional Victoria. There is an interesting open garden and fair not far from Melbourne at Trentham. There is the Inglewood Blue Eucy Festival (and you all know where the oil was extracted don’t you?), the Grampians Wildflower & Art Festival (be prepared to discuss “Is flower arranging art?”) the Albury Wodonga Food & Wine Festival and the Deni Ute Muster which will probably have its ‘Fashions on the Ute Hood’ competition. For details go to our home page and under Victorian events choose this weekend from the drop-down menu.

The White Hat Quiz

How well do you know Melbourne?

First to last week's quiz.

Much of Melbourne as we know it has been shaped by business and commerce:

1. Name three major inventions associated with Melbourne
2. Name three international companies that have their headquarters in Melbourne
3. Carlton, North Melbourne, the Vic Market and parts of the city gain much of their character from ‘corporation verandahs’. What was the Corporation of Melbourne? When were many of these verandahs knocked down in the city and why?
4. What suburb of Melbourne was named after a commercial product?
5. Where in Melbourne was the site of the first commercial refrigeration plant in the world?

We had plenty of responses, but Peter was first in so we will use his response.

“Too easy! I usually have trouble with one or two questions in the quiz and end up by not sending in my answers, but at last you are asking questions I know about.

Please note: This section of the newsletter has been removed as it forms part of a forthcoming publication or because it is forms part of our Questing activities. If you find yourself on a tour where the guide is White Hat Accredited they are likely to know the answer to many questions you may have in this area. All guides on White Hat Tours are White Hat Accredited.

There – do I get a cupie doll? Peter”

“Peter – you don’t get a cupie doll - but only because my spellchecker insists that no such thing exists.

• Inventions. To the inventions list, we might add a little team game invented here in Melbourne, which seemed to have some impact last weekend
• Headquarters  It is easy to recognize the BHP Billiton headquarters. A graphic designer was sitting at home one night having a quiet scotch or three and gazing at the lava lamp when he suddenly remembered the BHP logo design had to be done for the following morning. The logo now stands proudly on the BHP Billiton headquarters on the corner of Russell and Lonsdale Streets.

And Peter, we might add that while you found it “too easy” you might be surprised to know that it has become currently fashionable to expunge business, commerce and enterprise from much of the teaching of Melbourne history. In the words of George Crabbe:

Fashion, though Folly’s child, and guide of fools,
Rules e’en the wisest, and in learning rules.

Now to this week's quiz

Some poetry questions connected with in Melbourne.

1. Where in Melbourne would you find the statues of two poets within a block of each other?
2. Where in Melbourne would you find a tree associated with a famous Australian poet?
3. What gardens in the Dandenongs were the solace of a well-known Melbourne poet?
4. CWC are the initials of what well-respected Melbourne poet?
5. Quote a phrase or two from your favourite piece of poetry about Melbourne.