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The White Hat Melbourne NewsletterArchived Newsletter No.206 - 15 February 2007Contents
Free performancesThis week is the annual Opera in the Park in Prahran. You need to be there early with your picnic to get a good spot on the grass. The free orchestral concerts continue at the Music Bowl with Verdi opera excerpts on Saturday night and Beethoven 7 on Wednesday night. Details at Classical Music in Melbourne. On Sunday evening is a concert of gospel music at the Fairfield Amphitheatre, then on Tuesday night is a free concert of Sardinian music at BMW Edge. Details at World Music in Melbourne.
Sustainable Living FestivalThis weekend at Fed Square is a Sustainable Living Festival. Often at such festivals I find numbers of stalls with advice based on sound scientific principles and common sense, and occasionally some which try to persuade me “There are more things in heaven and earth, White Hat, than are dreamt of in your philosophy”. Why not head along and find out for yourself. Details at Federation Square.
Two Hidden Melbourne PubsWe often receive suggestions that we should list Melbourne’s hidden bars and clubs on our website. We have chosen not to this for two reasons. Firstly if we listed them on our website they would no longer be hidden or secret. (On the other hand if we mention them in the newsletter we are only sharing them with 9,000 [at last count] close friends.) Secondly, this area is notoriously fickle. If we list a heritage building there is a good chance it will be there next week, but ‘hidden’ bars go in and out of fashion (and business) at an alarming rate. I know this well because I often assist in the process. I am sometimes employed by bar owners to undermine the opposition. I usually take along a friend to the opposition bar then we choose a prominent position and sit there looking so seriously uncool that we have usually cleared the place within twenty minutes. Sometimes the effect is terminal. However I thought it may be useful to acquaint you with two of Melbourne’s hidden pubs – one ancient and one modern. In the nineteenth century there were still docks in the centre of Melbourne at the base of William Street. Sailors, sometimes on their first shore leave for several months would make their way to the nearest tavern. The Shipp Inn was situated in The Lane (before it received the name Flinders Lane) and although from a distance it could seem dingy and unwelcoming place at night, once you got closer you found that Melbourne ladies were particularly welcoming and friendly. They laughed at your jokes and were interested in your views on a wide range of matters. In fact they were quite receptive to a range of ideas and quite unlike the stuffy, snooty ones back in England. It was only when you regained consciousness on the deck of a strange ship in full sail in Bass Strait with an empty pocket that you realised you had been drugged and “crimped” with the Melbourne ladies taking their part of the share, and your only option was to work your way back to England as crew member of the – the – “What is the name of this ship matey?”. The Shipp Inn is still there in Flinders Lane. It had a an Art Deco façade stuck on some time ago and now and I think, sells fishing tackle. See if you can spot it. Taverns in Melbourne have seen many changes since then. In recent times the prevailing fashion led to a number of mock Irish and English pubs. These were a hit with the punters and soon the Plastic Paddies dropped the pretence that the reading nook was for the reading of the works of Joyce and Yeats and it made way for more tables to serve the genuine Irish stew at $18 per plate. More recently pubs and clubs in back lanes have become fashionable. The preferred entrance is up a dark back lane with lots of rubbish and in fact some have a perfectly acceptable main street entrance but force the use of the back one. It helps filter out the undesirables such as baby boomers for whom even the entrance to the Waiters’ Club is still a bit naughty. Even though the City Council has spent a lot of money installing bright lights in these alleys the globes seem to get mysteriously damaged and graffiti is encouraged. Of course many of these bars and clubs are just as fake and manufactured as the Plastic Paddies but at least they local fakes with a local flavour rather than international ones. One place that hasn’t had to go out of its way to fake itself up is St Jerome’s in Caledonian Lane. During the day drop in for a coffee. You may have to sit on a crate and you won’t find many suits in there. The toilets are rudimentary and exposed in the style that Gen X used to be comfortable with but now that they have a career and a young family prefer to leave to Gen Y. Try walking down the stairs at the back. You will find that they get more and more sticky as you go down and once at the bottom you are in a dead end. Not the place you would want to find yourself after a heated discussion over the relative merits of Spinoza and Peter Singer. However you can’t deny that the place is “edgy” and edgy counts for a lot when it comes to popularity. (One day I intend to write an edgy newsletter.) The exposed pipes and the rest of the surroundings are genuine and this isn’t fake edgy. Come evening when you venture down the lane you will see clusters of patrons sitting outside happily amongst the dumpsters and surrounding clutter. Inside you will find a variety of people – some with statement hair, some with goth clothing, some in intense conversation, some lost in a world of thought without the aid of chemicals and the occasional aging tertiary lecturer trying vainly to look hip. The DJ will be spinning techno-electric or drums and bass but one can’t help noticing that underneath the edgy grunge veneer this is a basically wholesome crowd. Which is just as well because there are few exit options in this space? Why not go along and see whether you disagree with us? Better still; attend the St Jerome’s Laneway Festival the following weekend. Details at Pop Music in Melbourne.
Farmers' marketsA new farmers’ market is starting in Bayswater. The Heathmont Farmers’ Market will now be on the 1st Sunday of the month rather than the 2nd and the Wellington Farmers’ Market in Sale has extended its trading hours. Details at Farmers' Markets in Victoria.
Queen Elizabeth II comes to MelbourneIf you have an elderly relative with fond memories of the Queen’s visit in 1954 then you could make this a special week. You could take them to the highly awarded film on QEII currently doing the rounds but that may not be to everyone’s taste. However for a special afternoon for that elderly relative download the delightful ABC radio program about the tour onto you MP3 player at: http://www.abc.net.au/rn/hindsight/default.htm “I know the Royal Tour plates and cups are really for display in the china cabinet granny, but this is something special so just make the tea and scones and we will have them with the special china.” “What’s that little thingie dear?” “It’s like a small crystal set granny and I’m just going to plug it into the radiogram”. Then on Monday, Queen Elizabeth II is visiting Melbourne and will be tied up at Station Pier throughout the day. Details at Station Pier.
Reader Feedback
TropfestThe annual festival of short Australian films will take place at the music bowl on Sunday. Details at Film Festivals in Melbourne.
ChildrenOn Tuesday there is story time at the City Library as well as Summer Fairy & Wizard Fun in the City of Kingston. Starting this weekend and running for some time is the annual sand sculpting at Rye. Details at Family & Childrens' Activities in Melbourne.
OperaStarting on Friday you can see Melbourne Opera’s production of Madama Butterfly at Her Majesty’s. On Saturday is Victorian Opera’s production of Stavinsky's Les Noces and Oedipus Rex. Also you can hear free Verdi performances at the music bowl on Saturday and free Opera in the Park on Sunday. Details at Classical Music in Melbourne.
FestivalsThis Sunday at Edinburgh Gardens is the annual Celebrate Yarra community festival. On Saturday is the Holland Festival at Sandown Racecourse. Chinese New Year is under way. There are the traditional celebrations in Melbourne’s Chinatown starting this weekend plus Tet celebrations in Richmond. Details at Ethnic Festivals in Melbourne.
Melbourne's Hidden GemsFinding a real hamburger has become a difficult task. Over the years there has been increased competition in fast comfort food. Pizza, souvlaki, kebabs – such are the evils of globalisation. Then during the day the family trade has disappeared because kids refuse to eat any hamburger unless it is advertised on TV. However, if you look around you will still find a few places selling traditional hamburgers. After working very late the other night I called in for a hamburger at the old Embassy Taxi Depot in Spencer Street West Melbourne. Now, a simple initial screening process for a decent hamburger is the greeting at the counter. “May I take your order sir?” usually indicates that you are either going to get a mass produced homogenised product that won’t cost too much, or that you will receive hand-ground beef on a bed of rocket with a lovingly made sundried tomato chutney plus a touch of harissa yoghurt presented in specially designed environmentally friendly packaging with the logo created in Marketing 201 and costing the price you would normally expect to pay for a fillet steak but still managing to taste like cardboard. “Wathchya want luv?” said the girl behind the counter. This was promising. (I should point out that my use of the word “girl” no more implies a lass of tender years than “luv” implies deep and heartfelt affection.) “Burger with bacon and onions” I said. “Find a table; I’ll bring it over luv.” What more could you want after a long night’s work - table service and a friendly waitress (although I had the feeling that trying any backchat might not be wise). The table was equipped with the full range of condiments – pepper, salt and Worcestershire sauce. I suspect there would be little point asking for eggs hollandaise for breakfast here. And why would you? Eggs with Worcestershire sauce is one of life’s simple pleasures. I looked around and observed that the place was mainly frequented by older cabbies. There were jovial cabbies, introspective cabbies, cabbies who had been Jeffed, cabbies smiling contentedly at some pleasant memory, cabbies who managed to make their uniform look similar to that of a fifteen year old schoolboy’ ambling home, cabbies with deep brooding secrets that were nobody else’s business and cabbies who had been driving since before taxi drivers wore epaulettes, when taxis came in different colours and before hamburgers contained sliced gherkins. An Indian cabbie approached the counter. He was much younger than most of the clientele. “Do you want beetroot on that?” He gave a puzzled look. “Do you want beetroot on that?” she repeated and a brief and confused conversation followed. The young man, still puzzled, decided that “yes” seemed to be the expected answer. ”Aha Mr Howard” I thought “it is not English language tests we need for citizenship. This young man has perfect English but does not know the cultural significance of beetroot on a hamburger.” I decided to do my citizenly duty and joined him at his table. He had already opened a book containing formulae and diagrams when I struck up a conversation. He told me he was studying science at uni with a view of moving on to engineering or medical research or some other area where he could make a real contribution. Most of his Anglo friends from school had taken soft-option courses and were out partying tonight but he was driving cabs at night to provide for his long haul through uni and because he had family obligations. When he finished his studies he hoped he could find a job in Australia where he could make a real difference but if no-one wanted to employ him he could always return to India and make a difference there. He returned to his book and suddenly the issue of beetroot on hamburgers didn’t seem of any real importance. The hamburgers arrived and my premonitions had been right. A real hamburger on toasted buttered buns – not a pieces of soggy, sugary warmed dough – with grilled onions, lettuce and tomato sauce. We nodded our appreciation in silence. I looked around. The old timers had seen a lot of change. They had a uniform now, but even their status as the authoritative source of popular opinion and unsubstantiated rumour had been lost to talkback radio. However they still knew how to find and enjoy a good hamburger. I rose to leave. “I’ll see you around” said my young Indian acquaintance. “I hope so” I said.
Food & WineThis weekend at Jindivick is the Hot & Fiery Foods Festival. Kenny is currently doing the calculations on how many portable toilets they will need. There is also a Grape Grazing Festival in the Yarra Valley. Details at Food & Wine in Victoria.
Writers' FestivalThis weekend is the annual Writers’ Festival at Como. Details at Literary Festivals in Melbourne.
Country VictoriaThis weekend in country Victoria there is the Bruthen Blues & Arts Festival, the Bunninyong Gold King Festival, Music in the Park and guided walks in the Geelong Botanic Gardens and an Open Gardens Evening Soiree in Poowong East. For details go to our home page and select the appropriate weekend from the drop-down menu of events in country Victoria.
The White Hat QuizFirst to last week’s quiz. Meredith and others were quick with answers, so here are a compilation of their answers..
Now to this week’s quiz. In honour of the Holland Festival we thought we should ask some questions about things Dutch.
No prizes – just glory and a warm inner glow.
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