The White Hat Melbourne Newsletter

Archived Newsletter No.507 - 30th September 2011

Contents

Grand Final Day on Saturday Melbourne Show Melbourne Fringe Festival World Animal Day Medieval Festival Seven Mysteries of Melbourne – No.3 Red Hill Market cancelled Country music School holidays Work Experience Tesselar Tulip Festival Melbourne’s Hidden Gems No.569 Reader Feedback The White Hat Recipe Seniors Festival Musette Last week’s quiz South Yarra Market Pedants’ Dating Service Melbourne Circus Festival The Theft of the Mace – part 2 Northcote Kids Festival From the White Hat Inbox The White Hat Quiz

GRAND FINAL DAY ON SATURDAY But you knew that already.

MELBOURNE SHOW The Royal Melbourne Show end on Tuesday – but you knew that already.

MELBOURNE FRINGE FESTIVAL CONTINUES But you knew that already

WORLD ANIMAL DAY Sunday is World Animal Day. You probably didn’t know that. There is a celebration out at Edgar’s Mission with day long entertainment, workshops and activities. Details at: http://www.edgarsmission.org.au/

MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL This weekend there is a Medieval Festival at Victoria’s very own medieval castle which dates all the way back to the 1960s. Details at: http://www.edgarsmission.org.au/

SEVEM MYSTERIES OF MELBOURNE

No.3 The theft of the mace – part 1

The mace was missing!

The mace, not the missing one but the mace qua mace, began life as an enforcement tool somewhat larger and more painful than a policeman’s baton. When you were clocked by the mace you were likely to stay clocked. And if, when you came to and examined the imprint left by said clocking, you found the image of a crown you knew you had been officially clocked by the Serjeant at Arms at His (or Her) Majesty’s pleasure. The Serjeant at Arms didn’t need paperwork, just the emblem of the crown on the end of his mace and the clockee had no redress.

And now the mace was missing – possibly stolen!

With the rise of Parliament, the Royal Mace started to take on a ceremonial role. It was carried into parliament to indicate that the power which once resided solely with the monarch was now taken on by Parliament and this increasingly ceremonial mace represented the authority of the speaker and The House. The crown had grown larger and more pretentious making it entirely unwieldy for its original noble purpose and it had to suffer the indignity of sitting in a rack under the table until the speaker declared proceedings to be officially underway. It would then be lifted to its holder on top of the table and though the speaker could take a break and be replaced by Mr Deputy Acting Speaker while the ineffectual member for Little Waterton waffled on interminably to an almost empty chamber, the mace had to sit on top of the table dreaming of the days when it used to be able to go out and dong someone.

But now it was the afternoon of Friday 9th October 1891 and the mace of the Colony of Victoria had definitely been stolen!

The impressive symbol of the power of Victoria, both the Queen and the Colony, dated from 1866 when Melbourne was flush with gold money. The stem was decorated with unusual symbolism of roses, shamrocks, thistles and leaves of eucalyptus intertwined representing the unity of England, Ireland Wales and Victoria. The large crown at its head also contained the four respective coats of arms. A solid gold donger like that must have been worth a fortune. Also getting such a large and heavy device out of the building undetected would be no easy matter. It was starting to look like an inside job. The authorities tried to keep its disappearance secret while a hunt was conducted but word was soon on the street.

Time passed with no sign of the mace and Victorian Parliament was reduced to the indignity of using the 1850s mace – a piece of painted wood. What’s more the Sydney press got hold of the story and deepened the scandal by announcing it had been seen in an establishment run by Madame Brussels. Madame Brussels who the editor of The Truth has described as “this fecund fiend in female form” and living on “the shame of her sisters in sin”. Soon word was on the street that the parliamentary mace had turned up in Madame Brussels where it had been used in indelicate mock ceremonies. By 189 the Speaker admitted I know all about this matter”. The Speaker’s name was Tommy Bent and whenever his name cropped up, scandal was not far away. Maybe there were some unpaid bills at a certain establishment which got paid in an unorthodox matter?

But what had happened to the mace?

. . . to be continued

RED HILL MARKET CANCELLED Please note that this Sunday’s Red Hill Market has been cancelled due to wet ground and rescheduled to 23rd October.

COUNTRY MUSIC The major Mildura Country Music Festival runs all next week. Details at: http://www.milduracountrymusic.com.au/

SCHOOL HOLIDAYS The school holidays continue. You can find a number of our suggestions for school holiday activities at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/melbourne/lifestyle/SchoolHols.asp

Work Experience

Frank work with a pounding in his head. He gradually became aware that the pounding was coming from the door. “It’s me Jason, said the door”. “I’ll be with you in a minute – I’m just finishing the filing.” Frank filed the half empty bottle of gin back in the first aid cabinet and the garter from his desk under ‘Work in Progress’ before emerging onto the balcony.

“Sorry Jase, I’d forgotten it was work experience day, but we’re running late – Good Old George has an assignment for us. We’re due to meet him at The Boatbuilders Yard.” “Good Old George sounds like a jolly fellow” said Jason as they boarded the tram. “Don’t you believe it, Jase – he’s a real hard bastard. He used to work down the waterfront in the import and outbound tourism businesses.” “What did he import?” “You name it. You gave him the itemised list and he’d be back from the docks within the week with the complete order.” “What about the outbound tourism?” “If you had someone who was giving you grief he could arrange for them to undertake a cruise.” “Well at least they got to go on a pleasant long sea voyage.” “It didn’t need to be that long on account of them wearing a concrete overcoat. But then the ship owners introduced containers with ruddy great locks on them and the bottom fell out of the import business. Anyway, he’s found a more lucrative lurk as a heritage consultant and an expert on oral history. If you want to knock something down or stop something being built or create a venue with instant heritage, George is your man. Just give him an itemised list of what you want the history to show and he’ll be back within the week with oral history stories to prove it.” “But won’t other historians contradict him?” “Nah, Jase. He was the only person to talk those old timers and soon afterwards they undertook some outbound tourism and were never heard from again. Oral history of that sort is not peer reviewed – don’t they teach you anything in your Cert 4 in CSI Jase? Anyway, here we are.”

They got off the tram and walked down the river to The Builders Yard. “George, this is my assistant Jason.” “Please to meet you Jase.” Jason was about to observe that his preferred manner of address was the unshortened version of his name but upon spotting George’s forearms felt that his personal preferences could take a back seat this time around. “Jeez, George, there used to be a great view of the Polly Woodside along the river but now they’ve built that ugly brown shed in front of it and all you can see are the masks sticking out over the top.” “That’s right Frank – it’s truly ugly and blocks the view but they wanted to build it which is why they needed a heritage consultant.” “Frank tells ms you use to be a tough man on the wharves so how come they call you Good Old George?” “When people want a picture of the past they don’t want to know about the giant rats running everywhere and the vomiting and the blokes you couldn’t turn your back on and the whoring and the coughing up blood. By the time you take that out there isn’t much left so that is where I come in and flesh it out again with my oral histories to create the Good Old Days they want to believe in which is why they call me Good Old George. Memories are gold Jase – pure gold.”

“What’s the project you wanted to se me about George?” A tattooed forearm reached inside George’s shirt and retrieved a crumpled envelope. Frank took it and sniffed. “Have you ever thought of using Old Spice George?” “Don’t worry about that. Open it and read it.” Frank did as instructed. “It won’t take you long. It’s worth 40 to you.” “Too dangerous – 50 at least. I don’t know whether Swinburne’s insurance would cover the kid in a case like this.” “Don’t worry about that, I’ll make it 45.” “Done” said Frank shaking his hand. “45 what?” whispered Jason. “Slabs, Jase. It’s the only legal tender on the wharves and it doesn’t go up and down in value like the dollar or the Euro.” “Slab’s of what?” “Foster’s or VB or Draught” said Frank with exasperation “Don’t they teach you anything about hedge fund management?”

“This will take us about a week” said Frank. “That’s good said Good Old George. The Lord Mayor has a few ugly brown sheds in storage that he wants to use to block the view of the water from the trams in Docklands so I have to go in search of some repressed memories that showed they were there in the good old days.

What was in the envelope? What is the current exchange rate between a slab of light and a slab of heavy? Should Jason change his enrolment from ‘CSI’ to ‘Knitted Craft as a Powerful Engine of Social Reform’? Find out next week . . .

Polly Woodside before Good Old George's Heritage Shed

Polly Woodside after Good Old George's Heritage Shed

TESSELAR TULIP FESTIVAL The tulip festival continues in the Dandenongs. Details at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/victoria/regions/dandenongs.asp

MELBOURNE’S HIDDEN GEMS No.569 (actually its No.327 revisited)

Mernda Market

As treechangers have spread across Victoria they keep pushing out the Tofu Curtain. Within that curtain it is expected that you will have access to tofu, designer cheeses, soy lattes and artisan Tuscan sourdough breads. The Tofu Curtain has pushed its way all through the Macedon Ranges as far as Daylesford and beyond. However to the immediate north of Melbourne the curtain stops at the outer suburbs.

Just outside Melbourne you will find the township of Mernda. Well, it is not so much a town as a pub, a market and a few houses that have wandered out there, got lost and decided to stay. Every Monday you will find a large farmers’ market. Not a ‘Farmers Market’ but a farmers’ market – a place where farmers buy and sell stuff from the farm and for the farm. Stuff like sheep and goats and poultry. Over the years it has also generated quite a following for buying and selling aviary birds, ferrets and other small animals. It is easy to spot the breeders of such creatures because over time they grow to look like their animals. They are sold off in job lots while the crowd follows the lively auctioneer around the cages and enclosures. Out in the large hotel carpark you will find dozens of stalls everything from tractor parts to the latest 1990 fashions from Melbourne – but probably no tofu.

If you want to experience some country life from outside the Tofu Curtain, this is about as close as it gets to Melbourne We can thoroughly recommend a visit. And if you couldn’t take the kids to the show this gives you a chance to expose them to some real farm animals and real country air. More details at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Markets/Mernda.asp

READER FEEDBACK “Hi, We would like to come down to Melbourne for a great Opera, something challenging please. We used to go to the Opera a lot when we lived in Essen, Germany and miss it now. Which directors are the best in town and where do they hold the best performances? Please help. Thanks. Regards Neil, Toowoomba”

“Dear Whitehat When and where is the flag of Melbourne flown ? Thanks Chris and Joy”

“Dear WH: I now live overseas (Texas) but remain a proud Melburnian. Your item on Foster's and temperance reminds me that I have old certificates from my family in Melbourne---grandparents and uncles from probably the early 20th century---recognising their membership in the Rechabites. Was this not a temperance society and did it not have a building near or not far from the Queen Vic Market---across the street in that somewhat complicated intersection? I seem to remember. during my student days in the 60s, passing a building, not uncommon in inner Melbourne, which bore an inscription indicating it was the Rechabites building or was built by the Rechabites, probably in the 19th century---not unlike the old, original Vet School in Brunswick St. John”

“Just need to say thank you for the White Hat newsletter being the highlight of my inbox every week!! Cheers Lisa”

THE WHITE HAT RECIPE

Footy Soup

Cold weather is just the time for pea and ham soup. Stuff that will stick to your ribs and warm you from the inside. For this you will need a smoked hock, some split peas and sundry vegetables from the fridge. A smoked hock will set you back anywhere from $8 to $15 depending on the size. I like to use a couple of pigs trotters as well. They’re usually about a dollar each at the market and have the butcher cut them in half. Don’t woryy – you’re not going to eat the trotters. They’re in there for the gelatinous thickening and you eat the same substance extracted in much the same way every time you have a commercial ice cream. Finally, if you are cooking footy soup rather than just pea & ham soup I prefer to choose to add some smoked ribs as well for reasons that will be become obvious later on.

You can often find ham bones with plenty of meat left on them going cheaply. We recently picked up a large tray of them from the Prahran Market for $5. However, while these are good for the meat, they won’t give you the satisfying smoky flavour and you’ll definitely need the trotters for thickening.

Then to the split peas. They come in green or yellow and are dirt cheap strait from the bin or bag at the market or any Middle Eastern store. Around the corner at the supermarket which has “the lowest prices every day” they will come in a dinky cardboard box and cost anything between five and twenty times the price. Supermarkets promote competitive prices on ‘known-price’ items like milk but can place big markups on items sold by weight relying on the gullibility of a generation whose vegie maths didn’t equip them to calculate the price of vegies. Varieties of dried peas (or ‘pulses’ as we who live within the Tofu Curtain prefer to call them) are much cheaper when bought at a market –however we did notice a stall at a farmers’ market last weekend selling lentils for prices that would make even the supermarkets envious.

Anyway, back to the footy soup. Take some vegies from the fridge and the pantry – onions, celery, carrots and garlic are a good start – and chop them up so they can fit on a spoon. Remember the cooking shows that show you how lightly fry them in a good olive oil until the onions become slightly translucent and golden. Forget about that – just chuck them straight in the pot or the sauce pan. Vegetables that are going to cook for hours with a couple of pigs trotters shouldn’t give themselves any airs and graces. Throw in the meat, cover with water and some until the meat is falling off the bone which will usually be a couple of hours at least. I prefer to this part in a crock pot or slow cooker and go out for half a day or more.

Allow to cool enough fro you to handle the bones. Remove the trotters and give them to the chooks or the dog or simply throw them out. The fat will separate easily from the hock so out it goes along with the remaining bones and gristly bits, scrape the meat off the ribs but retain 8 of them with meat attached and put them aside. Chop or tear up the meat to make it spoon friendly. In with the split peas – about half a kilo should do depending on the size of your pot. If they came out of a powdery bag rinse them first. Another hour will see them reduced to a green mush. Towards the end adjust the seasoning to taste – salt, pepper, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, vinegar – whatever takes your fancy, and it’s ready to go – except for the presentation.

At this time of year I prefer to cook it in an oval crock pot, half-submerge the 8 ribs meat first at either end then use some sour cream in a squeeze bottle to mark out the lines. You can see the results at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/Newsletter/Hidden/FootySoup.asp

Of course, you don’t have to serve it that way. Just put it in a bowl with a dollop of sour cream and sprinkled with some chopped fresh herbs or spring onion.

LOW FAT VERSION – Prepare as above. Serve in a very small bowl with a teaspoon.

SENIORS FESTIVAL Party like its 1955 then come home and have some pea & ham soup. You won’t even have to put your teeth in. Details at: http://www.seniorsonline.vic.gov.au/seniorsfestival/index.html

MUSETTE The musette is the French accordion which gives French café and cabaret music its distinctive flavour. So much so that the name is also used to label that style of music. On Sunday of next week you can get to lie on the grass with your baguette while listening to French music featuring the musette. You won’t regret it - Non, Je ne regrette rien. Details at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/Other/Sundays.asp

LAST WEEK’S QUIZ

The first response to last week’s quiz came from Sarah so here it is:

“My husband got a little excited about this weeks quiz topic......

1. Each state has its own dominant brands of beer, Name one for each state. Teetotallers may instead name the State Flower or State Animal while wine snobs can treat a quiz about beer with visible disdain. Victoria – VB Queensland XXXX NSW- Hahn Tasmania-Boags WA-Swan SA-West End NT-NT Draught ACT-Do they drink beer?

2. In the 1950s the Melbourne barman or barmaid called “time gentlemen please!” What time was that? 6pm 3. Why does beer make a good ingredient in batter for fish? Full of yeast and crisps the fish...answered by the lady of the house not the husband... 4. In what poultry recipe does a receptacle of beer play a central part? Beer Can Chicken 5. If proceedings get dull at the cricket, Bay 13 may start singing the anthem “More beer, more beer . .” (two words being about the maximum memory capacity of those who have already consumed much of said substance). To what tune is this sung? Auld Lang Syne 6. Shakespeare said many things about the effects of alcohol. Quote one. I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety –Henry V 7. Opposite Melbourne Trades Hall is the John Curtin Hotel. Is their any irony in that naming? Either a teetotaller or because he was anti Trades Unions 8. What chemicals are used as preservatives in German beer? None we know because of a lack of hang over at Oktober Fest Germany 1997.... 9. In the 1980s, Paul Hogan was the ‘face’ of Fosters Beer in England. In the early part of last century, who was the ‘face’ of Ballarat Bitter? Ballarat Bertie 10. Submit your own verse to be sung with The Song of the Temperance Union.

We never eat a pie without a vessel of beer, Or drink lite at the footy to help us all cheer, There’s nothing so lonesome, so morbid or drear Than stand in a bar of a pub with no beer (With apologies to Slim Dusty)

Kind Regards Sarah”

SOUTH YARRA MARKET A new undercover market has started in South Yarra selling mainly second hand clothes and fashion items. It has a relaxed and mildly hippy flavour and the organisers are very friendly. You can see a photo at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/Newsletter/Hidden/SouthYarraMarket.asp

PEDANTS’ DATING SERVICE The friends had met at their favourite after work club up a back lane in Melbourne. Damien was there with his new friend Hildegard as well as his flatmate Kyle and Kyle’s girlfriend Kate. “Hildegard and I have been to several early music concerts” said Damien. “Cool” said Kate “cos the sixties were really groovy.” “More like the 1560s” said Hildegard with her German accent.

At that point Sarah and her new companion appeared down the lane. “They really need to do something about that sign over the door” said Sarah’s companion. “He’s very particular about such things” explained Sarah. “In fact his parents named him after a font.” “I can just picture it now” said Kyle. “His parents take him up to the vicar for Christening. The vicar asks ‘what do you call this child?’ and because they haven’t thought of a name yet the look around and spot the nearest piece of furniture. ‘We call this child Font.’” “That is not what happened” said Damien’s companion haughtily. “They called me after their favourite font, Franklin.” “Franklin is very particular about fonts” explained Sarah “and hates people saying fonts when they should say typefaces.” “Well I suppose being called Franklin is better than being called Comic Sans” observed Kyle.

Kate noted that things were becoming somewhat tense so took it on herself to lighten the atmosphere. “What have you guys been doing? Kyle and I have been clubbing and went to a warehouse party.” “Franklin and I had a great time celebrating National Punctuation Day. Franklin feels there should be a separate symbol for a possessive apostrophe where the object being possessed is only implied – like in Young and Jackson’s or Foster’s. And I told him about the department store Georges’ which has the apostrophe at the end because it was owned by the George brothers. Isn’t that fascinating?” Kyle searched for his fascinated look but couldn’t remember where he last left it.

But what about Damien and Brunhilde?” continued Sarah. “I’m sure you had a jolly time.” “My name is Hildegard but I do not mind being confused with one of the great heroines of my race” said Hildegard throwing out her chest causing at least one button of her blouse to fail under the strain and instinctively holding the plastic fork from the table in a vertical position, all of which caused Franklin to visibly flinch. “Damien and I went to hear some minnesang by Walther von der Vogelweide” she said laying down the fork and joining it with another “and then later in the week we went to hear some English madrigals” she continued while using the plastic cutlery to continue the curving line. Kyle started to hum softly while Hildegard continued “You Australians sometimes seem so obsessed with the surface rules of punctuation that you miss the underlying symbolism of the words.” “Hildegard explained the symbolism of some of the madrigals and they’re pretty raunchy” said Damien while Hildegard finished her plastic semicircular barrier and front of him and Kyle continued to hum the magic fire music.

Sarah rose abruptly and taking Franklin by the hand declared “We’re off to a graphic design opening where they understand all about symbolism.” The reluctant Franklin was towed up the lane leaving behind his half drunk expensive cocktail. Kyle leaned over to Damien and whispered to Damien “I wouldn’t worry too much about him. I fear his bow is well unbent, his bolt may flee no more.” “What do you mean?” “It’s just a line from a hunting madrigal.” “Damien and I are going too. I promised to play him some madrigals and explain the significance of things like ‘Come again, sweet love doth now invite’ and ‘to die with thee again’.”

“How can you take a simple thing like life and make it so complicated?” asked Kate as they disappeared up the lane.

Will Damien survive the night? Should madrigals be taught in girls’ schools? Should Johnson & Johnson become Johnsons’? Find out next week . . .

MELBOURNE CIRCUS FESTIVAL The Melbourne Circus Festival continues. Details at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/Melbourne/StreetsSuburbs/ChapelStreet.asp

THE THEFT OF THE MACE – part 2.

The mace had still not been found. As usual, public rumour had embroidered the facts of the matter. Although widely believed to be of solid gold, it was in fact hollow and merely gold plated. If melted down the metal would probably have fetched less than 100 pounds. Also it fairly easily screwed apart into 10 separate pieces making its spiriting from the building somewhat easier. Tommy Bent was not Speaker at the time of the theft and the press report of its sighting referred to Boccaccio House – an up market bawdy house somewhat closer to Parliament than Madame Brussel’s establishment. Police investigations at the time led them to concentrate on the men who were working on the outside of Parliament at the time with ladders commonly propped against open windows. Jemmy marks had been found on the mace’s storage cabinet which was in a corridor easily accessible by window. A tramways employee had seen man carrying a package about the size of the mace hurrying out of Parliament House and boarding the tram. In the process the package banged against a pole and made a distinctively metal clang. The man and parcel departed the tram in Abbotsford. Subsequent investigation pointed to a Parliamentary workman, Thomas Jeffery. Police searched his house as well as raiding the known receivers of stolen goods and found nothing. Any evidence against Jeffery remained circumstantial until the mace was found.

And it has never been found!

Maybe it’s time to go through the rubbish in the back shed one more time

You can see the previous two mysteries in this series at: http://www.whitehat.com.au/melbourne/History/7Mysteries.asp

NORTHCOTE KIDS FESTIVAL Held at the Northcote Town Hall, this continues throughout the school holidays. Details at: http://www.northcotetownhall.com.au/page/page.asp?page_Id=655

FROM THE WHITE HAT INBOX

We had the following personal message:

“hi from yarck were not in yarck yet but were on our way cos we went looking 4 the night spots in nagambie but they told us the main entertainment was the market by the lake but the soldiers from the base go in2 cmour 2party but omg id had a bad experience with the air force in sale so i didnt want 2do that so they said 4excitement some of the locals go2 the swanpool cinema & u go thru cmour & head 4 yarck & the kombi doesnt have bluetooth but it has something called a cassette player which is what old people used 2 use when they were young & there r some cassettes which came with the kombi including a monty python 1 with the spam song so weve wound down the windows & r singing at the top of our voices yarck yarck yarck yarck awesome yaaaaarck wonderful yaaaaarck yarck yarck yarck yarck epic yaaaaarck magnificent yaaaaarck luv nat”

THE WHITE HAT QUIZ

Symbols & rituals:

1. The speaker of the house uses a piece of symbolism from Freemasonry. What is that? 2. Another symbol from Freemasonry can be seen outside many court houses. What is that? 3. The symbol referred to above appears outside the Supreme Court in William Street. However there is something uncommon about this version of the symbol. What is that? 4. When a theatre is not in use it is traditional to leave one light burning. Where? 5. At some football matches, Essendon supporters can be seen circling a jacket above their heads. How did this ritual begin? 6. Cemeteries are full of symbolism and it is impossible to understand many graphs without interpreting these symbols. What, for instance, does a broken column indicate? 7. A well-kwon international humanitarian organisation has the symbol of a red cross. What does the cross represent? 8. In many Aboriginal paintings you will find ‘U’-shaped symbols. What do they represent? 9. What musical activity should not be indulged in upon stage? 10. What is your favourite Australian ritual or piece of symbolism?

White Hat travels courtesy of Louey’s Limousine Hire (all of which have tinted windows) and is dressed by a tailor in Lygon Street who says the holes in the second hand suit jacket can easily be repaired